Thursday, January 04, 2007

So I somehow stayed up till like 2:30 last night reading this vampire novel...

and here's my thought: if there were actually vampires, I bet a major social/psychological problem within the vampire community would be procrastination. It would be like the ultimate extension of that phenomenon where it's harder to get stuff done, even stuff you want to do, when you haven't got a job to go to. Think about your typical vampire: he's unemployed, he has no deadlines (so to speak)...other than a couple of self-directed Martha Stewart/Type A vampires, as uncommon in the vampire world as in the human world, who would actually be the ones to get around to organizing world conspiracies, you'd basically have a batch of people with none of that sense of the ticking biological clock that gets so many of us to actually get around to writing books and so forth. I bet they would be major slackers.

You know?

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

OK, I'll keep this short, but the whole concept has annoyed me to no end. First off, contrary to popular portrayal, your common vp is actually a being of weakness rather than strength- they so depend on others to exist. In that weakened state of existence, to live they must feed off of others who, you would think, are also some of the weakest outcasts of society: alcoholics, consumptives, people with terminal diseases, etc. How long into eternity do you expect to live if you are feeding off of people who are already dying? Next, why are vampires often well dressed? Even the most expensive, well tailored Armani suit is going to look shoddy on a phtistic 70 pound frame. Not much of a plot here even for Hallmark.

Susannah said...

Clearly I have touched a nerve. But consider this: what if the whole entire '90's era Kate Moss/grunge fashion thing was part of a conspiracy (perpetrated of course by the type-A vamps, see above) to convince us that Armani DOES look good on tubercular-looking people?

Who are you, anonymous snarky person?

PS I had to look up phthisic.

Anonymous said...

They hunted till darkness came on, but they found
Not a button, or feather, or mark,
By which they could tell that they stood on the ground
Where the Baker had met with the Snark.

In the midst of the word he was trying to say,
In the midst of his laughter and glee,
He had softly and suddenly vanished away-
For the Snark was a Boojum, you see.

Susannah said...

Good advice: "Seek it with thimbles, seek it with care/pursue it with forks and with hope."

emburke said...

You know, there could only be one possible genre classification for the recent spate of vampire movies our culture has been inundated with: Draxploitation. OK, maybe not spate & inundate but rather trickle & seepage.